Focus

As usual Friday really is the most confusing day of the week for me! So far today though...I am feeling so happy and so grateful.

This week has been a roller coaster. If you are reading this and you are considering recovery or attempting recovery please know...it is OK to feel a huge range of emotions. Feeling feelings is really important actually. I learned so much from this shitty sober week.... It gets better. 

I didn't drink this week and I had so many things thrown at me that would typically give me every logical reason to seek out my "warm blanket" of ice cold beer and an empty mind. 

Instead I felt feelings. And it was not easy! After spending an entire day feeling desolate, sad, depressed, angry....just lots of yucky stuff...and not drinking...I woke up the next day and felt grateful. I have been practicing trying to focus on the good. I spent a day trying to notice and be aware of all the beauty that surrounds me. The most mundane things made me smile because I just focused on the good. 

Case in point...I took my girls grocery shopping last night. Something that is typically a chore with 2 little girls. But, we laughed and looked at pretty things and talked about our days...I didn't rush them....I didn't get irritated...I didn't get frustrated...I let them stop and check things out. I let them pick out their own herbal teas like mommy. I didn't tell them to shhhhh when they were laughing so loud that everyone was staring. We walked out and my youngest looked at me and said "Thank you mommy that was SO much fun!" 

That's the good stuff. 

Now...that's not to say...."Focus on the good! It is so easy! Even the worst day will be beautiful!" That would be a blatant lie. Some days just suck.. And some days you owe it to yourself to let it suck. Feel crappy and move on. 

It really DOES get better.