*This post is copied from my original post on www.intherooms.com if you would like to be friends with me on ITR feel free to add me! http://www.intherooms.com/megreed06
August 7, 2013
So I don't know what exactly it is about "this time around" that makes
me feel so comfortable and at peace with the decision to change my
lifestyle. I've tried before...failed every time. A friend once told me,
"you have to REALLY want it". I never felt like I "wanted" it
before...I felt like it was something I HAD to do, something I was being
forced to do against my will. Even though it was always just a battle
within myself (luckily).
I'm not really sure what exactly has changed. I just literally woke up
and realized "I'm done. no more. I can't keep doing this." I know it
won't be easy...it already isn't EASY. I've opened my heart up this time
though and am accepting myself for who I am and what I am and what I
want to be. I'm being honest with myself for this first time really.
I woke up in the middle of the night last night and in my head I heard
"Heal your body and I will heal your mind. Rid the poison from your body
and I will rid the poison from your mind." I couldn't get back to sleep
after that, but felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I haven't really
REALLY prayed in a long time. I grew up in a very Catholic family, my
dad is a deacon, my mom worked for the church and taught in a Catholic
school. I have some conflicting feelings about Religion, about God...and
of course I have Catholic guilt ;-) I feel like I am ready to let go
though. I obviously can't do this on my own.
I can accept that I can't drink like a "normal person". I don't know
when to stop. It isn't normal to fall down the stairs and get a black
eye on a Wednesday night after your husband and kids have fallen asleep.
Normal people don't do lines in the basement and fold laundry on a
Friday night to blow of some steam because they "deserve it" after a bad
week...or a good week! Nothing about the excuses I have made for so
many years is even remotely normal.
I'm trying to determine what "normal" is. Will "normal" be fun? Will I
still have excitement? AM I going to be bored? Will I miss out?
I am sure what lies ahead is SO much more rewarding. I think that my
biggest challenge ahead will be finding comfort in "normal" and not
"chaos". I hope to look back on this in the weeks, months and years
ahead and have a full heart and know my new life is everything I even
had, ever wanted and more.
Friday, August 9, 2013
My story...so far
*This post is copied from my original post on www.intherooms.com if you would like to be friends with me on ITR feel free to add me! http://www.intherooms.com/megreed06
August 6, 2013
I am a married mother of 2 amazing little girls. I always joke that "Mommy is a Rockstar!" I am known as a fun girl who really has it together...I have a great job and have achieved success against all odds. But you know what? I am slowly accepting the fact that I am nothing more than a functioning Alcoholic. It's a scary thing to admit. It's embarrassing. It's true.
I started drinking on a regular basis when I was 17 or 18. I had gone through a lot of personal turmoil for a teenage girl and then I was taking care of my mom who was very very sick,as soon as my responsibilities with her lifted the self medicating really started. I started doing drugs, cocaine mostly, on a regular basis when I was 19. The only exception has been when I was pregnant with each of my daughters and for a few months following.
I had my first child when I was 21, got married when I was 21 (she was 7 months old) had my second when I was 23. Meanwhile, I was able to complete my bachelors degree, sell one house...purchase another and start a pretty successful career.
I still drank pretty frequently, but not to out of control. Then about 4-5 years ago, once the girls were out of their "baby stage" I fell back into a nightly drinking habit. Usually after the kids went to bed, always alone 5-6...sometimes more beers. Then my husband and I started using again...1 night a week, to unwind after a long day.
I always justified it. We held down good jobs. We took good care of our kids (or did we?) we have lots of friends.
Obviously there is something wrong with this picture.
My kids have spent 1 to many weekends laying around...because we are, recovering from a hangover or exhausted from staying up all night the night before.
I self medicate to cope with things I don't want to cope with. I justify that I deserve it. I make excuses that it's totally normal. I know it's not.
I want to enjoy life. Not continue in this cycle that I've fallen into. It's exhausting.
I am ready to make this change for myself, for my family. I know it won't be easy but for the first time ever - I want it. I feel ready
August 6, 2013
I am a married mother of 2 amazing little girls. I always joke that "Mommy is a Rockstar!" I am known as a fun girl who really has it together...I have a great job and have achieved success against all odds. But you know what? I am slowly accepting the fact that I am nothing more than a functioning Alcoholic. It's a scary thing to admit. It's embarrassing. It's true.
I started drinking on a regular basis when I was 17 or 18. I had gone through a lot of personal turmoil for a teenage girl and then I was taking care of my mom who was very very sick,as soon as my responsibilities with her lifted the self medicating really started. I started doing drugs, cocaine mostly, on a regular basis when I was 19. The only exception has been when I was pregnant with each of my daughters and for a few months following.
I had my first child when I was 21, got married when I was 21 (she was 7 months old) had my second when I was 23. Meanwhile, I was able to complete my bachelors degree, sell one house...purchase another and start a pretty successful career.
I still drank pretty frequently, but not to out of control. Then about 4-5 years ago, once the girls were out of their "baby stage" I fell back into a nightly drinking habit. Usually after the kids went to bed, always alone 5-6...sometimes more beers. Then my husband and I started using again...1 night a week, to unwind after a long day.
I always justified it. We held down good jobs. We took good care of our kids (or did we?) we have lots of friends.
Obviously there is something wrong with this picture.
My kids have spent 1 to many weekends laying around...because we are, recovering from a hangover or exhausted from staying up all night the night before.
I self medicate to cope with things I don't want to cope with. I justify that I deserve it. I make excuses that it's totally normal. I know it's not.
I want to enjoy life. Not continue in this cycle that I've fallen into. It's exhausting.
I am ready to make this change for myself, for my family. I know it won't be easy but for the first time ever - I want it. I feel ready
Getting started...
Welcome! I am starting this Blog in an effort to help myself..and help others. I am 5 days sober. Yep. 5 days. Sounds like such little time and feels like a lifetime...in a wonderful way.
Earlier this week...in my quest for peace and answers and support I found a great resource called www.intherooms.com - it's kinda sorta like Facebook for addicts. While I don't feel completely at home there...it is definitely a great resource and I don't think I could have gotten through the first few days without it.
I posted my first few blogs there. I am going to copy them over here so that if you are following my story, you can follow from the beginning.
If you are finding this as your try to get sober...I hope I can help you, even if it's just in some small way. I'd love to hear from you if you want to tell your story too!
xoxo- Meghann
Earlier this week...in my quest for peace and answers and support I found a great resource called www.intherooms.com - it's kinda sorta like Facebook for addicts. While I don't feel completely at home there...it is definitely a great resource and I don't think I could have gotten through the first few days without it.
I posted my first few blogs there. I am going to copy them over here so that if you are following my story, you can follow from the beginning.
If you are finding this as your try to get sober...I hope I can help you, even if it's just in some small way. I'd love to hear from you if you want to tell your story too!
xoxo- Meghann
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