My story...so far

*This post is copied from my original post on www.intherooms.com if you would like to be friends with me on ITR feel free to add me! http://www.intherooms.com/megreed06

August 6, 2013
I am a married mother of 2 amazing little girls. I always joke that "Mommy is a Rockstar!" I am known as a fun girl who really has it together...I have a great job and have achieved success against all odds. But you know what? I am slowly accepting the fact that I am nothing more than a functioning Alcoholic. It's a scary thing to admit. It's embarrassing. It's true.
I started drinking on a regular basis when I was 17 or 18. I had gone through a lot of personal turmoil for a teenage girl and then I was taking care of my mom who was very very sick,as soon as my responsibilities with her lifted the self medicating really started. I started doing drugs, cocaine mostly, on a regular basis when I was 19. The only exception has been when I was pregnant with each of my daughters and for a few months following.
I had my first child when I was 21, got married when I was 21 (she was 7 months old) had my second when I was 23. Meanwhile, I was able to complete my bachelors degree, sell one house...purchase another and start a pretty successful career.
I still drank pretty frequently, but not to out of control. Then about 4-5 years ago, once the girls were out of their "baby stage" I fell back into a nightly drinking habit. Usually after the kids went to bed, always alone 5-6...sometimes more beers. Then my husband and I started using again...1 night a week, to unwind after a long day.
I always justified it. We held down good jobs. We took good care of our kids (or did we?) we have lots of friends.
Obviously there is something wrong with this picture.
My kids have spent 1 to many weekends laying around...because we are, recovering from a hangover or exhausted from staying up all night the night before.
I self medicate to cope with things I don't want to cope with. I justify that I deserve it. I make excuses that it's totally normal. I know it's not.
I want to enjoy life. Not continue in this cycle that I've fallen into. It's exhausting.
I am ready to make this change for myself, for my family. I know it won't be easy but for the first time ever - I want it. I feel ready