Stigma

I just wanted to share this great article about the stigma surrounding addiction that I found on "After Party Chat" one of my favorite recovery websites: http://bit.ly/14q68Ap

I am not quite ready to share my truth with those close to me yet. My husband of course knows since he's on this journey with me and I shared with a friend who has been through this. I hesitate to let the rest of my friends know, and my family. 

There are a few reasons....

1.This is so new. I am only 8 days in. What if I fail? What if they try to convince me I don't have a problem, the way the disease tries to do? It's easy to remind myself "your disease is trying to trick you, stay on track" it would be harder to tell my best friend to shut up that I have a problem and need to stay on track.

2.That brings me to reason number two...if I go public with my journey...then I will be publicly admitting that I don't have it all together. I'll be admitting that even with 2 small children I have drank almost daily for the last 5 years...thats the sugar coated version honestly. The certain judgement makes my stomach turn.

3.There is a stigma about addiction. I don't look like an addict. I don't really act like one...unless I'm actively using. I have a great job, a nice home, nice car...etc. etc. I feel like somehow that will mean less if I admit Ive been struggling severely for so long. I know that sounds materialistic. Petty. It's our society though. Of course the other part of me screams "You are contributing to the problem!" "That is why your story is so important!" But right now..I'm just not ready.

My hope is that once I have some significant recovery time under my belt, I will share with the people in my life. It's easy to blog and share with relative strangers. It's horrifying to think about sharing with my real life friends and family. But once I feel ready, I will scream from the rooftops..."if I can do this anyone can!" - I suppose it makes sense that until I feel I have actually "done this" though...silence is a nice form of security until I know I can handle the reaction...whatever it may be.